Punk'd
by Sonic Sunshine
Summary: Janga's stuck with his toughest job yet: babysitting. Hours into his assignment Guntz gets beaten by the neighborhood bully, and they set out together to take down the little tyrant!
1. First Strike

I had this cute little idea spring up immediately after writing " Thanks a Lot ", and I decided to go a little further into Janga and Guntz's relationship as father and son. Needless to say that Janga wouldn't be the best father figure in the world, or maybe he is the best depending on what you want. I don't know ... a drunken cat with supernatural powers seems right up my alley.

I don't plan on taking much more than a week on this. Two weeks tops. Then I have another Klonoa central story in mind involving what will quite possibly be the weirdest serious plot in the history of the fandom, a possible shoen-ai one shot, and the remainder of the Here Kitty Kitty to write. Then I'll probably take a break, or _die from exhaustion_.

Whichever comes first.

**DISCLAIMER**: The main characters in this story were created by Namco Bandai / Klonoa Works. Miss Saffron was a persona I created for Guntz's mother. Justin and the other members of Rising Dawn are original characters created for this story. I wouldn't mind them being used in other stories if you linked me to them. Thanks.

**Prologue: First Strike**

This was easy enough.

It didn't stop him from hating Buntz for making him do it, though.

Should've known that something was up when Miss Saffron showed up last night with her _spoiled brat_. His mate and the kid didn't live with the rest of the hunters for obvious reason, but unless it was the last weekend of the month they had no business coming into the hunter's territory. Not unless she _wanted_ something. Turned out that she talked Buntz into spending the weekend with her in Joliant, alone.

Which meant that the kid would not be with them.

Which meant they had to con someone into watching the kid.

... _Damn it_.

The bribe was too tempting to pass up; twenty thousand stones and a week's supply of liquor. The stipulation was that he would receive half of the money up front to last him the weekend, and he'd receive the rest on Monday if he did a good job. It was foolish to leave the stash in the house, locked up, where he could easily get it using his phasing abilities. Ki! An hour after noon he was completely incapable of doing his job properly, and rather then have the kid around where he might accidentally strike him he decided to send the little brat outside with some money. Go buy lunch, or beer, or something. Whatever kids did.

It was now a few minutes after sunset and the kid still wasn't back home yet. Janga could've sworn that he told the kid to come back before dusk, or maybe he just_ thought_ that he did. His senses were so out of sync now that he could barely think strait. In any case he'd have to go out and look for the kid if he didn't show up soon. This colony at night was probably one of the most dangerous places in the world. No doubt some shapeless bastard would be looking to get their hands on the leader's son.

A pile of glass bottles were displaced when the purple cat shifted off the couch. The feeling in his knees was completely drained, and he realized that about five seconds too late to keep himself from falling flat on his face. Ow. Okay, he might've been too drunk to do either of them any good. Might want to just lay here about an hour to work the junk out of his system -

" ... Mister Janga? " Followed by a rattled sniff. Janga could hear a small voice next to his head moments before two little paws fell on his shoulder, shaking him. " Are you ... " Sniff. " Dead? ... Don't be dead, Mister Janga. Mama'll be sad. "

Thank that wrenched goddess that the voice was familiar and friendly because there was no way in Hell he was capable of fighting. That kid found his way back just fine, but there was something wrong with his voice that he couldn't quite put his claws on. He allowed the young wolf to pull him up into a sitting position, his back against the couch, so he could look down at him. " ... _Master_ Janga. " He corrected the kid without thinking about it.

The kid nodded in understanding, then winced before brushing across a spot on his forehead with a shiver. Janga leaned in a bit closer, and noticed that the young wolf looked like he'd been mauled by an armored Moo. " What the Hell happened to you!? " He screeched, panic outweighing the paralyzing buzz he had earlier.

" I ... " Yelling at him at a time like this was probably not the best course of action. It just made him cry all over again. " I got beat up. "

" No shit! " Janga didn't mean to growl at him, but the kid probably didn't know the extent of the ass kicking he'll receive when his parents found out about this. " Who beat you up? "

His voice became more subdued the more he cried. " ... Justin. " He sniffled.

Janga winched visibly at the mention of that name. No doubt he was talking about that Justin, the doberman son of the leader of their biggest rival hunting group: Rising Dawn. Though his father had problems ousting Shinigami from his position his son was less of a failure. That little bastard managed to make every kid and teenager in the colony bend to his will. It was inevitable that he'd try and pick a fight with the top dog's son, but his parents were trying their damndest to ignore the possibility.

Well, it couldn't be ignored anymore.

" ... Arrgh ... " The purple cat couldn't even come up with a proper curse to describe the situation. About the only thing he could do now was clean up the worst of his wounds and formulate some plan of action. Hunters took it as a sign of weakness to wait even a day for retaliation, so there was no time to wait for his parents to get back. Admittedly, it _would_ be a little hot for Miss Saffron and Justin's mother to have a cat fight. Ki-ki ...

Still ... This would have to be something they handled themselves.

**To be Continued **


	2. Fighting Fair

Thanks for such positive reviews. I'm not getting alerts anymore for some reason, so I didn't think anyone liked it. xD

Next chapter we get to meet the bully. Yay.

**Chapter 01: Fighting Fair**

This was _infuriating_.

" Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! **STOP IT**! "

Considering the stipulation that the kid had to be alive and well when his parents returned, Janga reluctantly attempted to stop what could possibly lead to infection. The most serious of them required about five stitches across the forehead. It made him wonder why the kid would stand still long enough for Justin to hit him over the head with a bottle. It also made him wonder why the same kid who lost a fight earlier today was trying to pick a fight with him by thrashing around whenever he went in to stitch. For once in his life Janga was trying to be helpful, and for _what_?

He couldn't help but yank up on the needle and thread a little hard after narrowing avoiding a bite. " Keep fighting me and I'll really hurt you, kid! " He hissed, showing him the tips of his poison claws on the opposite hand. It was hard to tell if the cat was serious about his threat or not considering his track record.

Needless to say that scared the crap out of the kid.

Janga finished the rest quickly, tying off the end with a knot before yanking it free carelessly. The sudden strong motion surprised Guntz who was yanked forward and clear off the counter. In a true 'Oh shi -' fashion Janga made a quick recovery; grabbing the wolf by the back of his shirt before he hit the ground.

" You know what you're problem is? " Rather then blame himself for what just happened he put it on someone else. " You're a spineless little punk! " Janga snapped at him as he placed him back on the counter. " I can't even say that it's because you live with your mother 'cause that bitch can fight. " Among other things. Ki-ki.

Guntz glared up at him. " Don't call my mama that! "

That made a grin spread across Janga's face. " Yeah? What the Hell are you gonna do about it - "

Next came the expected; a move that the cat could have evaded in his usual drunken stupor. He raised a hand to catch the thrown punch, then wrapped his claws around it so he could life the kid off the stable a little. " You should consider selling cookies in a flock if that's the best you can do. " Janga taunted him with a snicker. " At least you got the general idea down. "

" What do you mean? "

" I mean the most important rule of fighting, and the only rule of fighting that you'll ever need. " Janga dropped Guntz back onto the counter. " The only thing you need to remember about fighting is that no one fights fair unless they want to lose! " He had a hard time explaining his methods whenever things like this came up. " The world ani't divided between good an' evil, or men an' women, or drunks and sobers for that matter. There's only two types of people in the world: people who do things the 'right' way and people who do things the 'best' way. "

The five year old was completely confused, but he nodded anyway. " ... I see. "

" There's only two ways you can look at it, kid. " Janga thought he'd give him the abbreviated version. " You can either let this kid walk all over you, or you can choose to kick this kid's ass. An' if you wanna kick this kid's ass you gotta shove foot up his ass so far no one's even gonna _think_ about messin' with you again! "

" So ... " The wolf tried to grasp the situation better. " You're telling me it's okay to fight him tomorrow? "

Janga grabbed one of his pointy ears and yanked it. " Hell no! You ani't listen to a damn word I said! " It infuriated him that he might've wasted his breath. " There's no way you'll beat this kid in a fair fight, so we're not gonna fight fair! "

Guntz rubbed his sore ear when Janga let go of it. " So what'll I do? "

" I'll tell you what you'll do. " Janga was already plotting. " You'll go get some sleep, and we'll hit this kid back first thing in the morning. "

" Wouldn't it be better to do this tonight? "

" Yeah. Yeah. It would, but if I don't take twenty three shots of tonic in the next hour I'll be too hung over to do anything. " He could already feel the headache coming. " Do you know how to work a blender, kid? " Guntz shook his head. " Then go to bed, **now**. "

This hangover was going to kill him.

**To be Continued ... **


	3. Fighting Back

Yeah, I'm late.

I haven't been feeling well lately, so it took multiple sittings to write this chapter. The next one should be up tomorrow regardless of how I feel. x3

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**Chapter 02: Fighting Back**

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This was an ingenious plan!

" I'm so brilliant ... ! " Janga sang to himself before stopping to take his twenty first shot of the tonic designed to fight hangovers. He shuddered shortly after for it had a combination of ingredients that no Lunatean should drink, but it did wonders for recovery. Maybe it'd help if he didn't take a shot of vodka to wash it down.

It was a careful balancing act between the knife he used to extract some of his own poison, a few beakers, his tonic, and the vodka. He wasn't sure if he was immune to his own poison or not, but he didn't want to take his chances with a screw up now. The cat would ensure that this little doberman bitch didn't mess with Guntz ever again, or anyone else for that matter, if everything went smoothly.

" ... Mister Janga? "

The sudden interruption nearly made him drop what he'd been working on. " **What**? " Janga roared. He didn't realize that he'd been yelling at the kid until he saw him duck behind the counter in surprise. " Ah, it's just you. " He corrected himself casually and kept working. " What'd you want? "

" ... " Now the kid was too wary to even answer! " ... I'll just go get it myself. Sorry. "

Janga wasn't even sure what he might've wanted until he looked out the window, nearly blinding himself with the rays of the rising sun. " Damn sun ... " He slammed one of the shutters closed so hard that it swung back open. Bah. That was right. It was morning, and children like to eat things in the morning.

Minutes later Guntz came back with a box of doughnuts and a soda, sat at the table, and looked curiously towards Janga. " What are you doing? "

" Making sure that the wires on this thing are in all the way. " That didn't explain it much at all, did it? Two hours of work had finally ground to a close, and now Janga was holding what looked like a present in his claws. " M'kay, I think that about does it. " He looked back towards the wolf. " You wanna know what's inside the box? Ki. You don't **want** to know what's inside the box! That little doberman bastard's not gonna like what's inside the box, but we're going to give it to him anyway because he truly deserves it! "

The young wolf frowned. Janga was just going around in circles! " But what's inside the box? "

" You don't wanna know what's inside the box. " Janga put it simply, then put the box down on the table. " You're gonna go up to him all friendly-like and - DON'T POKE IT! " He batted the kid's hand away from the side. " That box's wired to detonate at the slightest jar, so you might want to carry it carefully when you give it to him. I'll just be rooting for you at a safe distance. Ki-ki. "

" ... Is this going to kill him? "

Janga shook his head. " No, but he's going to wish he was dead. " Then he noticed something. " ... I'm pretty sure _mama_ don't let you eat that for breakfast. "

Guntz's rebuttal made the cat snicker. " Mama isn't here now, is she? "

... They grow up so fast ...

* * *

This wasn't going to be so hard. 

Janga did everything in his power aside doing it himself to ensure the plan went smoothly. Just in case things didn't go smoothly Janga mentally rehearsed a number of excuses to give Buntz and Miss Saffron upon their return. He did not try to start an international incident, he did not try and beat up their rival group's kid, he did not brainwash their child into doing his bidding, and he most certainly did not raid their liquor cabinets!

The bottle of snobs he had in his claws was just a coincidence.

" This is that little bastard's territory? " Janga didn't know if that was the right 'term' for it, and in his slightly buzzed state he didn't really care. The cat's natural ability to underestimate anyone who was not named 'Janga' made him believe that Justin's territory consisted of a playground, a basketball court, or some other place that children were bound to occupy. The young wolf lead him to a typical abandoned warehouse that rang of stereotypical gangster fare. One of these days Janga was going to find that stockpile of old gangster movies and burn them. If he did any amount of good in this world it'd be in ensuring that a kid would never copy a Cuban born gangster again!

The wolf nodded, and Janga grinned wickedly. " This is a _prime_ piece of real estate. He must be practicing to be a drug lord. "

" Well actually - "

" You just make sure to run after giving him the bomb - I mean the present! " Janga, realizing that he said too much, decided to make himself scarce for the next part of their operation. He took cover on a street lamp about twenty feet away: safe enough to be away from the initial blast but close enough to do something if the kid screwed this part up.

That was inevitable, anyway.

Guntz shifted the present in his hand and knocked on the door. " Hello? "

The wolf kept knocking until he heard the lock on the other side. He jumped and made a motion to throw the present at the door in fear, but Janga threw a rock at the back of his head to stop him. Yeah. That's why he threw the rock.

" What the Hell do you want? " Judging by the informal introduction that must have been Justin.

Janga stepped out a little further on the pole so he could get a better look, and blinked. It was one of those nice, long, absolutely shocked blinks. They looked ... _exactly_ the same. Justin was about three years older, admittedly, but their eye and fur color was exactly the _freaken_ same! The doberman was a little thinner with a longer snout and tail, and he didn't have chest fur like wolves did. They were both even wearing the same clothes!

While Janga was pondering the possibility of how this could've happened Guntz offered up the present. " I'm-really-sorry-for-whatever-I-did-to-upset-you-Mister-Justin-Sir!-Here-take-this-present! " His words were so fast they came out as one word. Janga made note to yell at him for that one.

Justin looked down at the present, then back at Guntz, then back down at the present, and then back up at Guntz again. " ... I don't wan' it. " He said calmly with the thickest Brooklyn accent that Janga's ever heard. " Tell you what. How 'bout we forget this whole thing ever happened an' start off fresh. "

Guntz seemed as surprised as Janga was. " Really? "

" Really. In fact, I think I'll give youz this present I was gonna give my dear mama. " The doberman dug around behind the door, then came back with an identical present to the one Guntz was holding. " Here ya go, kid. Now if you excuse me - "

SLAM.

" ... wow. " Looking down at the present, Guntz to the greatest extent he could smile (which, even as a child, wasn't that much). " That was really nice of him, I guess. " And then he started tugging on the ribbon of the other present.

The events that just occurred didn't click in Janga's mind until the kid started to do that. Hissing out a curse under his breath, he dropped down from the lamppost and rushed over to the wolf try and stop him. A second too late. The kid lifted the top of the box, and they were both immediately blinded by the flash of light that followed.

Guntz dropped the box that was meant for Justin, and Janga stepped on it when he stumbled back.

That ominous green cloud of poisonous gas was the last thing they saw, and the last thing they heard were those damn kids laughing at them on the other side of the door.

God ... _damn it_.

**To be Continued ... **


	4. Fighting Tactics

I don't know what's wrong. The chapter I put up last night just showed up for me. This one I wrote immediately after finishing the last one, and I had various problems getting it up. Maybe it'll go in right. Maybe it won't. Maybe my computer will explode uploading it. Maybe the world. I don't know. Let's give it a try. xD

Next chapter: the climax:O

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**Chapter 03: Fighting Tactics**

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This was not going well ... 

Janga was pretty amazed that he wasn't laying in a pile of his own vomit when he fell unconscious, but he couldn't imagine who would save him the humiliation of being hazed by children in this town filled with criminals and bounty hunters. The throbbing headache he was currently experiencing was not in the same area a hangover headache would be, so he was fairly sure what happened was not a dream, or a drunken daydream for that matter. He didn't know how much time passed, but he had a feeling that if he didn't get upstairs and get that damned antibody he'd be living out the bathroom for the next two weeks.

Outwitted and humiliated by an eight year old. There was _very_ little that could possibly make this worst.

" Janga-chan ... ! " .

The cat slowly dragged his claws down his face. " ... Goddess ... " Janga dragged out the last letter as he closed his eyes, his headache was considerably worst now. He opened them again a few minutes later, and was greeted with the sight of a two and a half foot tall clown holding a covered platter in a frilly pink apron.

It didn't infuriate him that he'd been poisoned by _his own poison_, tricked by that little smart ass, or even that he may have been saved by a ... a _thing_ a quarter his size. The single most thing that pissed him off was his inability to drink anything while working the poison out of his system. Janga was arrogant, not _stupid_. Alcohol would kill him ... even faster then it would if he was healthy.

" What the Hell are you doing here? " Janga faintly remembered being explicitly told by his partners not to 'let that creepy clown man' around their child, their house, or their territory in general. They thought Joka to be a bad influence, and not Janga, for some odd reason. The cat could never quite put his claws on why ...

Joka placed the tray on the coffee table behind him and uncovered it. There was a teapot, teacups, crumpets, bread, and soup shaped like Moo and their various cute little incarnations. Oh yeah. _That's_ why. " I heard that Miss Saffron and the Shinigami were in Joliant, so I came to see how you were doing in the domesticated world. Needless to say I found it slightly humorous that I found you in a gutter being urinated on by the neighborhood stray. " The clown smiled. " You needn't worry about that, though. I took the liberty of giving you a bath before bringing you in the house. "

Janga just glared at him. REALLY hard.

" Ahem. " Joka decided to break eye contact with Janga, immediately. " I have no idea how you could have been so foolish in allowing yourself to be poisoned by your own poison, but I raided your room and found the antitoxin. I used it in the preparation of your lunch, so you better eat it all. " Janga could've sworn he heard the clown mutter something about him being so 'gosh darn skinny' under his breath.

There was no way he was drinking tea, let alone tea from a cup with bubbly Moo eyes painted on the side. The soup was in a regular bowl, though, and he was hungry. He did not pick the bowl up in his claws and drink out of it because Joka told him to because that'd be a _bitch move_. He did it because he was hungry, and sick. " I am not skinny. " He muttered, and thought, and thought, and though -

... Slurp! " JOKA! " The clown couldn't even jump before Janga grabbed him. " Where's the kid? Did you give him this stuff too? "

" Kid? You mean the Shinigami's son? " Joka asked innocently. " I'm sorry, Janga-chan, but I didn't find the child with you. I assumed that he went with his parents to Joliant because I couldn't imagine they'd leave him in your care. " Then he snickered at the most inappropriate time imaginable. " I suppose that is a bit humorous as well. "

Joka hit the adjacent wall faster then Janga could get the words out. " That's not funny! I'm _**screwed**_. That kid took in the poison, and he's small, and he's the goddess knows where, and - and - What time is it? " Janga was so stressed that he even started to sip that tea. What little he didn't spill, that is.

Snapping his fingers, Joka produced a clock shaped like a Moo out of what appeared to be thin air. It was kind of creepy. The clown might've had some sort of _fetish_. " It is approximately 2:23 PM on Sunday: the two hundredth and twenty second day on the Lunatean calendar. "

" ... They'll be back around midnight. " Janga flopped back on the couch with a groan. " Well ... I either have nine and a half hours to find him, or nine and a half hours to vanish from the face of Lunatea. " Truth be told the later was a _lot_ more appealing, but ... " ... Argh. "

Joka was mesmerized with the moving ears on his clock until that little groan. " You've grown attached, have you? How sweet. "

" I am not attached to that little bastard! " Janga roared, pushing the clown a little with his claws. " I ... just feel ... guilty. " His voice gradually grew lower from there. " This is kinda my fault. "

" If you say so, Janga-chan. "

Naturally Janga was a little irratated at his partner's smug behavior. " Just give me an hour. I'll break back into there and wreck up the place! "

Joka folded his arms. " Or you will just collapse from exhaustion in the realm of your enemy. " He inflated himself a bit and let it out in a huff. " You're not well, Janga-chan. Maybe you should rest and allow me to handle the negotiations. "

" ... You're kidding. "

" I kid you not, Janga-chan. " Joka clasped his hands together. " There is only one absolute way to end all conflicts in the world. I do trust you know what it is. "

Janga took another sip of his tea. " Killing everyone who thinks you're wrong. "

" I am being serious! " Joka piped before continuing. " The answer is money, and I just so happen to have a lot of it. I am sure that your adversaries will happily give the child back if I give them enough to become disinterested in their little quest for power. "

" Fine. " The cat was too tired to argue with him about it. " Everything else I've tried has failed miserably, anyway. I'll follow. If you screw it up we're going to have to rush the place, anyway. "

Joka bowed his head a little. " Very well. We'll leave within the hour. Should I wrap up some of this food to take with us? "

" Nah. " Janga shook his head. " I got some shots upstairs that we can take. He'll need it, and I'll need you to hold him down so I can hit him with it. He's really squeamish for a kid who's going to be Shinigami ... "

Joka clapped his hands together. " That could be fun. I suppose it could be like playing house, if our child was a hyperactive cabbit - ACK! "

The clown was snatched up again and held face to face with a very irratated cat. " If you ... **ever** say anything that even remotely resembles what just came out of your mouth again I'll pop you with my claws, sew you up, and continue to pop you until there isn't enough of you to make confetti! "

He trembled a bit. " I'm sorry, Janga-chan! "

**To be Continued ... **


End file.
